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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25170505">Jack of Hearts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnrealRomance/pseuds/UnrealRomance'>UnrealRomance</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Destiny (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alter-Ego'd main character, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Minors DNI, Minors do not interact, Rivals to Lovers, Slow Burn, Two different relationships with love interest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:00:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25170505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnrealRomance/pseuds/UnrealRomance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven's only just woken up and already nothing makes sense.</p>
<p>It's hard enough to wrap her head around the idea that she's now a Guardian-- supposedly a powerful being that is both immortal and capable of great feats of combat. But learning that she's been in this world for months that she can't remember-- with only a journal to tell her she's not of this world and that's why nothing feels right...</p>
<p>Well, it'd be a bit much even in the best of times. And apparently in this world, 'the best of times' is long past.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cayde-6/Female Guardian (Destiny), Cayde-6/Modern Girl, Cayde-6/Modern Girl Guardian, Cayde-6/Modern Girl in Destiny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay so I missed the wednesday update yesterday cause I've been feeling awful lately and didn't think to check the date-- but here's the story you were supposed to get.</p>
<p>I didn't want to make more new stories cause I've got enough old ones, but then I came up with this new system and I think it'll take a lot of the pressure off of me.</p>
<p>I'll update twice a week-- but only with one chapter each on Saturday and Wednesday. Hopefully this will help me catch up but also stay in the game.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's so bizarre, reading about yourself in a Journal you wrote before you died.</p><p>Especially when most of the entries are addressed 'hey possible guardian!me of the future' and 'guardian me' and 'future me' like the person knew it would happen.</p><p>And somehow she did. Somehow she just…</p><p>"How did I know that this would happen?" I ask the floating drone that calls themself a 'Ghost' and told me their name is 'Tempest'. "That I'd be…what I am?"</p><p>"Easy! <em>I</em> told you," they reply. "I picked you before you died, but I didn't wanna connect before then. I wanted you to be exactly as new as all the other guardians and you know…have the same experiences. It can be lonely to be a 'different' guardian."</p><p>They say that like they've got some kind of experience…</p><p>"Okay but these journals start before I even know you?" I say and tick back to the point where it's not addressed- just some notes about the world, the 'timeline' and the people. And thirty pages in, there's a letter to myself and that's where the addressed pages begin.</p><p>"Just read the letter," they float over to the book at the point where the letter begins and bobs over the page, looking at me with their star-shaped eye. "I promise it explains everything."</p><p>But when I've finally finished the letter, I find that it explains almost nothing. All it does is give me even more questions.</p><p>Apparently I'm not even from this world. And I'm not from any world like this, either. Where I'm from…this is all some kind of simulation?</p><p>She keeps calling it a 'game' and says that I might not remember what anything in the Journals meant- but that I had to pay attention to the world around me or shit would go sideways and I'd have no warning. Maybe even end up dead.</p><p>The 'timeline'- she is uncertain of. She knows that the 'Garden' has been dealt with, but not the Red Legion- the chapter on them is <em>very</em> worrying…</p><p>It's hard to pin down what she's trying to say a lot of the time. The rambling in her journals seem to assume some level of familiarity with her own memories that she tries to rectify by adding annotations but…it just makes everything like homework which makes my brain want to check out completely.</p><p>"What does all of this even mean for me?" I ask as Tempest hovers about my head. "I don't feel like much of a warrior, even if it says she's been training and has experience with some weapons, I…"</p><p>Apparently my past self was a smith. Weapons, armor, jewelry- you name it.</p><p>She trained with swords, daggers and guns and always tried on her own armor before giving it away to whoever commissioned it. I'm getting the idea that she took authenticity and quality <em>very</em> seriously when it came to her weapons and armor.</p><p>Even though in <em>her</em> world, apparently it wasn't even necessary.</p><p>The smithing stuff? I can <em>feel</em> that in my bones. But the fighting…I may be able to, but I don't <em>want</em> to.</p><p>"I'm not from this universe?" I ask the floating Ghost.</p><p>They sigh and dip a little in what I think is supposed to be a nod. "Yes. We still hadn't figured out how you got here before you died. For all we know, it could've been the Traveler's doing- I mean you are <em>my</em> guardian after all. I wouldn't have known to look for you without the Traveler's instruction and if you weren't <em>meant</em> to be here…but it could've been that I was given to you because the Traveler knew you <em>would</em> be here- not that it would <em>put</em> you here."</p><p>"Is my life always this confusing and weird?" I ask.</p><p>Tempest wiggles and their shell twists behind them. "I don't know about before you came here. You said it wasn't, so I guess: no? After you got here, it became a bit…hectic, but that's to be expected of a Guardian."</p><p>"Wonderful," I grumble. "What does being a guardian even mean?"</p><p>"There's a chapter on the Guardians, the Tower, the Last City, other things you need to know…you just need to read the whole Journal, okay?" Tempest flits over to hover over the opened Journal. "Things about yourself, the world, the people- you need to know them before we start moving around as Guardians. Usually you'd be urged to forget your past life, but…you're too special. You have some purpose beyond what we know, I just know it!"</p><p>Sighing and flicking to the next page, I start to read again.</p><p>About the abilities of a Guardian.</p><p>Undying, immortal. Unless your Ghost dies. Noted.</p><p>The ability to use light powers to control jumping height and speed…? What?</p><p>"What's this about Jumping?" I ask Tempest and hold up the Journal.</p><p>"Oh yeah!" they chime. "Try double-jumping. Or just jumping at all. Depending on how high you go or what happens when you try and jump while still in the air, it'll tell us what kind of guardian you are."</p><p>So, putting down the journal, I stand up and step away a bit. Then I jump, and feel nothing special happening. It was a crouching spring, too. I <em>do</em> jump higher than I think I'm used to because I feel a slight disorientation but…that's all.</p><p>"I see!" Tempest spins. "So that means you're not a Titan at least. They Jump <em>really</em> high. Okay, jump and then try to jump again while you're in the air. You know, kick your feet and all."</p><p>It feels so ridiculous but I jump- and then when I try to kick my feet out as if I was jumping again while <em>still airborne</em>- I <em>do</em>.</p><p>I jump again. I try to do it again and again- but can only really manage a flailing, stuttered fall.</p><p>"I knew you'd be a Hunter!" Tempest flutters over to me and laughs as they circle me. "Also, the most you can do is Triple jump and the rest is just eh…breaking your fall."</p><p>"Noted," I huff and hug my body as I walk back to my journal and sit down again. "This has a chapter about Hunters and one about Titans…what's a Warlock?"</p><p>"Someone who uses their light in a more…magical way," they reply. "Like firing lightning at your opponents or gliding on the air."</p><p>I blink. "They can fly?"</p><p>"No, they glide, though- I suppose to you there wouldn't be much difference," Tempest says. "Now read! We've got a LOT to catch you up on and we're late getting home."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger Warning for death though I try to haze over it, there's still mention of how the mc dies multiple times and whatnot so be aware of that.</p><p>Also for a dissociative state afterwards and being in shock.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was <em>just</em> starting to get reacquainted with all my tools and materials when Tempest rushed up to me and started babbling about an emergency beacon.</p><p>Apparently I protect a nearby village when it gets attacked. And the way I do this is with an emergency beacon that transmits a signal directly to my ghost.</p><p>Only problem being: the Transmat is down.</p><p>I am boggled by the fact that teleportation exists for about two seconds before I realize that means I'm going to have to run there.</p><p>Thankfully my ghost remembers that I have something called a 'sparrow' and which I myself see as 'speeder' for some reason…where is that coming from? There's a whisp of memory that I just can't grasp.</p><p>And now I'm on said sparrow, haphazardly steering it toward my destination- mostly Tempest is steering but I'm controlling the speed and which way my body leans which is <em>super</em> important but I don't remember how I learned that.</p><p>For some reason my whole left side aches when I think about it, though.</p><p>And when we finally make it to about the halfway mark between us, Tempest starts telling me to go faster.</p><p>So I go faster.</p><p>It's much more difficult to keep up with Tempest's driving but somehow my body just <em>knows</em> when it's supposed to shift and I just go with it.</p><p>To be quite honest, riding a sparrow is the easiest thing I've ever done.</p><p>It's the only thing I can even <em>remember</em> doing, but maybe that's for the best. I get to start out with a win and feel like I've got this handled.</p><p>At least until we actually <em>get</em> to the village.</p><p>The whole place is in chaos. There are these…things…attacking it.</p><p>"Fallen!" Tempest says and then steers me toward some underbrush where they pull me off the Sparrow and toward the woods with speed. "Come on, come on- move faster, we have to get to a sniper position before they find us!"</p><p>Before even coming to the village, they made me wear some kind of digital glamour. It made my skin slightly more bluish and put these markings on my face…</p><p>When Tempest told me my species is called 'Awoken' and used to be human- I was a little flustered. To my mind, Humans were all that existed. The journal helped me make sense of it.</p><p>My skin is usually a pale ghostly white with green undertones. My lips a slight mint green without any gloss or lipstick at all.</p><p>And my eyes…my eyes pretty much glow. They're this bright, acid green and they glow even in the full light of day.</p><p>So when they put that digital screen over my skin- only my face, as the armor they gave me covered everything else…I looked even less like myself than I do usually.</p><p>What did my old self look like for me to feel that way?</p><p>We scramble up to a high position, where some rocks and vegetation should hide me from view and I pull out the sniper rifle that Tempest gave me.</p><p>It's a long, black thing with dark-ish metallic blue accents. <em>Black Diamond</em> is scrawled across its barrel in looping white calligraphy.</p><p>When I take aim, the sight is diamond-shaped.</p><p>Takes a moment to get my bearings, search out targets and line up a shot but when I do- it's like something inside me takes over.</p><p>Every shot is perfectly calculated to hit the 'Fallen' aliens right in a vital region but also in a spot away from any people they might be menacing.</p><p>For the most part, people aren't around. But there's a guy or two with a gun, trying to defend their homes.</p><p>Tempest said earlier while we were on the Sparrow that I set up some kind of early warning system and that everyone would've evacuated to an underground bunker nearby.</p><p>Apparently it used to be for some kind of…bomb alerts. People would hide when sirens went off in hopes of not getting caught in the blasts.</p><p>That sounds more normal to me than anything else I've been told and what does that say about the world I came from?</p><p>"<em>Oh no, Raven run!</em>" Tempest speaks from inside of me and I have only an instant to realize I've been found before the blade guts me.</p><p>It doesn't take long for the 'Fallen' to also cut off my head- I can feel the searing line it cuts before all sensation is gone…but in those moments between blows, it was agony.</p><p>Fire in my gut, but also somehow really warm water- and the hiss of air that escaped me after it was over.</p><p>Tempest revives me within minutes but when I wake up, they see me sit straight up off the forest floor.</p><p>They're only a short distance away, so I run instead of shooting.</p><p>Tempest is in my head, giving me directions as I run around the forest until eventually I jump across a root like they asked me to- and something swings from above and over my head- knocking into the Fallen behind me.</p><p>I die twice more after that. Each subsequent death more upsetting than the last.</p><p>The second is by another spear, this time to the head- but the third- the third I impale myself on a spike in one of my own traps and have to use the sidearm that Tempest whips up for me to kill myself so she can pull me out and resurrect me.</p><p>It became a dreamlike haze, after that.</p><p>Somehow I dispatched the remaining Fallen, though I couldn't tell you how. I can't remember.</p><p>After that there were angry, frightened voices and people jostling me. But Tempest did something. Something like a zap of electricity and a loud shout and everyone went away. Or I felt like they did.</p><p>And that was good, because I didn't like being vertical and I needed to find somewhere to lie down. Away from the noise, the people…</p><p>But when I finally found my spot in the hollowed tree, the people came back.</p><p>I don't know how long it was. Don't know if they pulled me out gently or roughly. All I remember is coming out of the daze while clutching a cup of tea and gripping a blanket around my shoulders.</p><p>"I can't believe she died and none of us knew," someone's voice from nearby. Hazy but…clear enough I can make it out.</p><p>"How could we possibly have known? She disappears off the grid when she's not here," another voice. "The Ghost should've told us."</p><p>"Tempest would've been kind of <em>occupied</em> with teaching a brand new guardian how to shoot a gun without killing herself," a whole new voice.</p><p>All I can remember is that I died, a lot. And the angry words are indistinct but I remember them. They were mad at me, even though I tried to help them.</p><p>I don't want to be here.</p><p>"<em>If you want, I can transmat you home,"</em> Tempest speaks from within me.</p><p>It would've startled me if I had any room for startlement at the moment- or any energy for it.</p><p>"Home," I croak. And close my eyes, putting down the mug of tea as the Transmat envelops me. Pulling me apart, and putting me back together.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know which stories I want to write, but I don't know which stories you guys wanna see. So I'm gonna start putting the link to this poll in every update I make from here on and it'll help me figure out which stories of mine are the most popular.</p>
<p>Please don't vote more than once if it's possible, I want accurate numbers.</p>
<p>Link is after the chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It took me days to get out of that funk.</p>
<p>The entire time was spent huddled in a mass on my bed, sometimes getting up to eat or drink but otherwise just…existing. Trying to forget dying over and over again.</p>
<p>Trying to remember who I was.</p>
<p>I read my journal in lieu of anything else to do, when I didn't feel so wretched that I couldn't move at all.</p>
<p>Pages upon pages of observations of phenomena and the changes to the metals and other materials that the 'light' wrought and…just a whole bunch of miscellaneous musing on what you could make out of it all.</p>
<p>Character studies done on people she both had and hadn't met.</p>
<p>An entire chapter on Devrim Kay, Suraya Hawthorne and some guy named Marc- she hadn't met any of them but for some reason their chapter was quite thorough.</p>
<p>Compared to the others I'd read, anyway.</p>
<p>It's a big journal, that at one point I think was leatherbound. But then it was copied into one of those huge binders with the space for added pages.</p>
<p>I don't know how I know that, I just <em>feel</em> like she didn't start out writing in this. And the writing in the first half of it is all scribbly like she was trying to get it over with and get it written fast- while the second half is the looping scrawl of someone actually writing down their thoughts as they come to them.</p>
<p>I'm almost to the second half of the journal, but…it's going to take some time still. Even as extensive as these people's chapters are, they're still only maybe two pages long each. Less for most.</p>
<p>But the musings?</p>
<p>The musings can go on for ten pages if it's about smithing.</p>
<p>"One small thing okay? Then you can go back to bed for another two weeks and I won't bother you!" Tempest is whizzing about my head in an agitated fashion. "Come on, the Black Clover Grips have to be finished before the end of the month!"</p>
<p>I sigh huffily and toss the blanket off my head, frizzed hair puffing around me in a static cloud. "Why?"</p>
<p>"Oh! I forgot to tell you about that," they say. "Look at Chapter Four, Section Three in the journal."</p>
<p>I grumpily open the journal, "do you know all my journal chapters and sections by heart?"</p>
<p>"I'm a Ghost," they say. "I don't easily forget anything, let alone things that can be easily shifted into a dataset or table of numbers."</p>
<p>The journal section begins with 'So I had an idea' and from there it gets <em>interesting</em>.</p>
<p>…<em>so I know the Hunters are unenthused about sticking to a schedule or doing anything by the book- but this means that a lot of areas are left without people to patrol them. Because certain areas have shiny things that Hunters want, or certain enemies are more fun for them to fight, they tend to gravitate there and stay there.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>The Titans and Warlocks try to compensate but…there's really only so much you can do to compensate for something you can't do yourself. The Hunters have skills and abilities that are needed in </em>
  <em>
    <strong>every</strong>
  </em>
  <em> area.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So what if we could motivate them? Give them a new shiny thing if they manage to make a dent in an area where there's a dearth of Hunter attention?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I thought about making some stuff and leaving it in places but there'd be no guarantee that a Hunter would even find it, even if I told them about it. It'd take a long time and…well, it'd mean those other areas would lose their Hunters as everyone flocked over to find the shiny things.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So I decided…Five Hunters a month would win a piece of armor or a gun or </em>
  <em>
    <strong>something</strong>
  </em>
  <em> that they want- so long as they were the ones doing the most patrols in the most areas.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That's how I came up with the idea. Getting Zavala and Ikora to sign off on it…took more work. Especially as I'd only contact them with static videos they couldn't track and wore paint on my face and a hood to mask who I was.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Cayde was a big help with that. He recognized a Hunter Spirit when he saw it and vouched for me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was…I don't know how to describe the feeling of being recognized as a Hunter even if I </em>
  <em>
    <strong>know</strong>
  </em>
  <em> I'm not worthy of that title. I just…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That was always my class in this game. I dabbled as a warlock a time or two, but it didn't have the same draw. To have him see me, like that. Was…exhilarating. Cayde was always my favorite.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He's the one who came up with the system itself, as he seemed…really enthused about it. He said 'more loot is always good' but I think there was another reason he was so happy about the project. I still haven't figured out why that was.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Anyway, I started on the very first piece of armor- and it had to be a big one, the Vest. In order to draw everyone in, I used Cayde's likability and sense of style. A suit of Cards. The Clovers. It's only called the Black Clover because I added a stealth perk to the armor itself. If you're wearing a full suit of this armor, the enemy can barely detect you on sensors or even in person, as long as you're in shadow.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A simple vest done in the same style as Cayde's- and as people tend to look up to him as much as they like him, there was a frenzy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I still have the message he sent me in the wake of the announcement, it was so funny.</em>
</p>
<p>"Tempest?" I lift my head and look at the small ghost. Curious about this 'Cayde' person. I hadn't gotten to a chapter with that name yet.</p>
<p>"Yeah?" they flit over to me and hover over the journal, scanning the words. "Oh I bet you want the message audio. Playback."</p>
<p>And then they dissolve into me and I'm hearing the message as if the person is in the room with me.</p>
<p>"Howdy there, compadre of the cloak- I know you don't want any communicado directly ghost to ghost, so I asked your little buddy to take you a recording. Fair's fair, right?" The voice is self-assured and rhythmic. It's as soothing as it is funny, to listen to.</p>
<p>"I was pretty surprised when the Black Clover Vest went up and everybody seemed to want one. I mean I know I'm stylish but your plan to base a whole armor set off me seemed kinda…" he makes a little considering noise that is, for some reason, hilariously endearing just to listen to. "Like it wasn't gonna work. Like…I dunno, I guess I never thought <em>everyone else</em> agreed with me on that whole 'being stylish' thing. Feels pretty good to be me, right now."</p>
<p>The message ends and I turn to Tempest. "What…armor piece am I doing now?"</p>
<p>They twirl their back casing in glee. "The Grips, remember?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here it is!</p>
<p>https://strawpoll.com/kfugrps1h</p>
<p>I feel like I'm maybe starting to get back into my groove and thank god for that, not being able to write all the time was driving me bonkers.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In order to finish my Grips, I had to get materials from someone named Ada-1.</p>
<p>After reading the entire chapter about her and everything…I felt I had no choice but to inform her that I'd become a Guardian.</p>
<p>She seems to hate them a lot, and from what I've read in her chapter…for good reason.</p>
<p>After that, I got the materials I needed but a very short response that amounted to 'don't contact me again' and now I'm at a bit of a loss.</p>
<p>Apparently Ada was my contact inside the Tower for high quality materials. I have other ones, but none for this specific thing. Tempest actually listed off the names and associations for me when I asked so I know:</p>
<p>'The Drifter' is for things you can't get anywhere else. Things associated with the darkness.</p>
<p>Someone named Amanda is who I should contact for Sparrow repairs.</p>
<p>Banshee-44…? Why do so many people have number names?</p>
<p>"Tempest?" I call out and they appear before me in a scattering of particles and light.</p>
<p>"What is it?" they ask.</p>
<p>"Why do these people have numbers in their names?" I ask.</p>
<p>"Ohhhh," Tempest looks at the book and then zips around in a circle. "I can't <em>believe</em> the chapter on Ada didn't cover Exos! Hang on, turn to Chapter six, Section one."</p>
<p>I do and I kind of lose myself in the words for a while. Because 'human minds shoved into robot bodies and then reset so they lose all their memories' is a lot to take in.</p>
<p>Apparently the reset is to combat some kind of degenerative robot disease and they also eat and…do other things just like humans to mitigate the weirdness they feel being in a robot body.</p>
<p>Why. Why would you do this to people?</p>
<p>Why not just make an Exo who is totally new and has never been human? I mean, you take all their memories anyway, so what was the point in transferring the consciousness over!?</p>
<p>This is like pointless torture.</p>
<p>From what I read about Ada- and it didn't mention exos even <em>once</em> damn it -she was very young. But knowing she's an exo, apparently I'm supposed to take from this that she was a <em>child</em> who was put in an Exo body. Then reset and just…</p>
<p>That's heinous. Though going back through it to read it again, I think it implies that she was injured or something and her mother was trying to save her life. I mean, that makes sense to me. Parents will go completely off the rails if they think it will preserve their children.</p>
<p>But just to make random people into robots? Knowing they'll have to be reset multiple times and knowing if it goes up past twenty that they start to lose cognitive function?</p>
<p>Stars and Void, this Banshee guy must be barely holding on by a thread.</p>
<p>Looking further through the book, I finally find Cayde's chapter.</p>
<p>Or make that 'Cayde-6'.</p>
<p>…thinking back on that incredibly emotionally charged message and the humor and the charm…this was a robot. This was a human in a robot body.</p>
<p>Looking forward through the pages, I count them out to be about…twelve pages. Twelve pages on a single person? That's not usual…</p>
<p>I mean sure the chapter, as I read through, it mentions other people and goes off on tangents but it's always centered on Cayde-6 and his relationship to them.</p>
<p>Like this passage about someone named Andal.</p>
<p>…<em>Cayde and Andal were so close that when Andal was killed, Cayde actually conceded and became Vanguard even though he really didn't want the job. And now Cayde's trapped in a job he doesn't want but is supernaturally good at. It's…yeah.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Andal Brask was an honorable man who tried to do his best as Vanguard and took up the position even though Cayde said the Dare shouldn't hold weight as they were both drunk and grieving. He was good and Cayde looks to his example every day.</em>
</p>
<p>After a while of looking through the assorted entries and putting pieces together, I have a realization. But that only comes after finding Uldren Sov's Chapter and then reading through the chapter on the Awoken <em>again</em> because I knew I was one but I didn't know I had a <em>prince </em>and a <em>queen</em>.</p>
<p>That was in a different section called 'Awoken Royalty'.</p>
<p>I really need to work on my annotations apparently because there was barely a footnote about needing to check that section and it was SMALL, okay?</p>
<p>These two men have…the biggest chapters of all. Uldren's is slightly shorter than Cayde's, but not by much.</p>
<p>At some point, Uldren kills Cayde and for some reason that gave me such anxiety I had to check with Tempest <em>twice</em> to make sure that hadn't happened while I'd been dead.</p>
<p>"You were only dead a few minutes! I'm always with you so I resurrected you as soon as you went down- after the Cabal had left, of course." Tempest assures me. "Cayde is very much alive and…well, I don't know where Uldren is. I think they probably already put him in that prison."</p>
<p>Somehow just hearing it isn't enough.</p>
<p>The way he's written about in my journal...she was in love with this guy.</p>
<p>And she wanted very badly to hate Uldren Sov, but for some reason couldn't. She didn't excuse his actions and still blamed him for everything he did and definitely for Cayde's death. But she seems to wax all philosophical for a few pages about what would happen if she tried to change it.</p>
<p>Not Cayde's death, but before that. If she could find Uldren and do something, to help him. To keep him from…becoming what he becomes.</p>
<p>To keep him from being manipulated by something called a 'wish dragon'? What the hell is a wish dragon?</p>
<p>The chapter on <em>that</em> keeps me up most of the night and by the time I'm done reading all the associated chapters about Mara, Riven, Uldren, Cayde and anyone else involved- like Petra and…some dude named Varicks…</p>
<p>I've come to a decision. One I know the past me would've never made, but now that I have no access to choice materials, I have to find another source.</p>
<p>The Black Clover Grips will be finished and sent off tomorrow…and the day after they'll arrive. There's no reason I can't go and see what my reception will be.</p>
<p>And…if I can't create, I can't live in this world. So if I have to go out and get these materials myself, I will. If I have to earn enough glimmer to pay out the nose to hire someone to get it, I will.</p>
<p>Going to the tower is honestly the most cost-effective thing I could possibly do. Both monetary and pain-and-death wise.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Ooooh, I don't like this at all, Raven."</p>
<p>Tempest is fluttering about, in a totally different shell than usual. Apparently it's the one they wear when we're around anyone in civvies. Before they were in that odd Shell all the time so I didn't think they needed any kind of disguise for…anything. Anywhere. But as it turns out, Tempest has lots of shells that are employed at different times.</p>
<p>This one is the basic Ghost Shell that every ghost started out with, apparently. The other that I'm used to, I guess I built for them?</p>
<p>They have others for different planets, that I also built. Using parts from other Ghosts that had been decommissioned or destroyed. We found them by scanning for them specifically.</p>
<p>Apparently the old me was very focused on making my ghost as safe and anonymous as possible. They use a specific shell for my work with Ada-1 and the Vanguard. Though just the Vanguard now.</p>
<p>This one is their 'casual' and 'around other guardians' shell that they've apparently used in the past when they interacted with people other than me.</p>
<p>Because I had two lives, they felt they had to have two lives as well. And then they created a bunch more because they're dramatic like that.</p>
<p>"I just want to see him," I say as we walk through the main thoroughfare of the Tower.</p>
<p>It was difficult to get into the city undetected but not as difficult as I'd thought it would be. Being a Guardian helps smooth the way. Especially considering the transmats aren't built to keep out new guardians but to welcome and catalog them.</p>
<p>So I'm now a recognized guardian to the transmat system and possibly all the other computers, but maybe not to the people.</p>
<p>So I went in stealthy, and intended to remain that way.</p>
<p>It worked for a few hours.</p>
<p>I skulked around the outside edges of their society. I surveyed the passing people, and I assume I remained undetected or they would've had some kind of reaction.</p>
<p>But then I got…for lack of a better word, greedy. And I let myself be seen and detected by people in order to go to the…</p>
<p>Well, the place I knew Cayde would most likely be.</p>
<p>And that's where we're heading now.</p>
<p>"But this public a place!? I could just hack the security feeds!" Tempest says in a low voice and then dissolves inside me when someone gives them too long a glance.</p>
<p>"That would be creepy and stalker-like," I say quietly as I walk toward the shop with almost no signage and a nondescript sort of look.</p>
<p>I hear him before I see him.</p>
<p>"Yeah so we were in the meeting room and Zavala says," the man speaking stands up and I don't have to know what he looks like.</p>
<p>I recognize his voice.</p>
<p>"Cayde," he says in a lowered tone of voice. Imitating whoever it is he's talking about. "We need more Hunters in the EDZ."</p>
<p>"I say to him, I say 'Zavala, I'd love to give you more Hunters for the EDZ. I'd <em>love</em> to. But there's nothin' down there but Fallen, some Cabal, and maybe a few Taken in certain specific places. We don't know of any <em>Loot </em>down there and there's no people to protect outside some isolated spots where we're keeping eyes out anyway- my hunters aren't going to do something for nothing!'" He shrugs his shoulders grandly and spins around on his seat.</p>
<p>I quickly take a seat nearby so as to not be caught gawking at him.</p>
<p>"Ikora says 'We've just gotten in new intelligence that may help with that particular problem'," He says in a regular voice. It strikes me as odd or very telling, rather- that he refuses to make fun of this person like the other one he tried to imitate.</p>
<p>"And that's when I first heard her voice," Cayde says in a dreamy tone meant to evoke a sense of romanticism and wonder. "The first words on that recording were 'Pleased to meet you, Vanguard' and lemme tell ya, I was done in right then. But then she said more and I kept falling harder."</p>
<p>I feel a prickling on my scalp and think back to the recordings I'd sent to the Vanguards. The first one started out that way. But. No. No, why would he be talking about me, right now? That's not a coincidence that could feasibly happen. So either they know I'm here which is unlikely as Tempest would've detected any movements on their part to communicate my presence…</p>
<p>Or he's talking about someone else and I should relax and get over myself.</p>
<p>"She said 'I know you've got a problem with your Hunters, and I have the solution' and let me tell you, the way her lips puckered around the words in that video was downright <em>unfair</em>." He says grandly, as he says most everything else, I'm beginning to suspect.</p>
<p>I hunker down further in my seat and feel my face get warm as I turn away from him to listen.</p>
<p>"Tempest, do they know I'm here?" I murmur as quietly as I can.</p>
<p>"<em>No way. Maybe he might've seen and recognized you if you were wearing your usual armor and make-up but he wouldn't have been able to tell anyone else. I would've caught the message frequency if nothing else and no signals have gone out on urgent channels. Even the casual channels are just chatter about stuff you wouldn't care about.</em>"</p>
<p>Everyone in his group is making listening noises but then one of them asks a question as I tune back in.</p>
<p>"Everybody says you can barely see her face in those vids, but did you see her eyes?" she asks. "Were they pretty? I bet they were pretty."</p>
<p>Everyone makes noises of agreement as my brain spins out because I've just realized I'm like a <em>celebrity</em> or something to these people.</p>
<p>They're gossiping about me in a way that…feels…familiar? Stars, where is that kind-of-memory coming from?</p>
<p>"Two words:" Cayde says and I glance over my shoulder to see him holding up two fingers. "Glowing. Emeralds."</p>
<p>I actually collapse into the tabletop a little and cover my face. Everyone is making happy noises.</p>
<p>"Did you ever see her hair?" One of the Exos asks. "Everybody wonders what's under that cape."</p>
<p>"Well I think maybe if she were blonde or a redhead, it'd show up in the feed and we'd see a little color," Cayde says. "So probably Dark brown or black."</p>
<p>"I wonder what the next armor pieces will be?" One of them says. "They come tomorrow, right?"</p>
<p>"You are correct-a-mundo my friend," Cayde points at them. "And I heard from the Ghost on its last trip over here that it was the Grips."</p>
<p>There's noises of happiness but also disappointment. One of the ones who are disappointed makes a loud protestation. "What about the Cloak!"</p>
<p>'<em>Cloak?'</em></p>
<p>"Hey hey, everybody calm down about the Cloak, alright? She won't forget the Cloak- she's got one- she knows!" He reassures them.</p>
<p>And I look around again and notice that maybe the reason I didn't seem suspicious in my hooded cloak is because almost all of them are wearing one.</p>
<p>Except for a select few in the area that seem to be wearing a totally different class of armor…they're all wearing hooded cloaks to go with their armor.</p>
<p>'<em>Must be part of their…culture?</em>' I wonder privately to myself.</p>
<p>"I hope the Helmet is next," one of them says. "The Black Clover set is so Stylish but I <em>know</em> the Helm's going to be something special. I mean, you've gotta tie the whole piece together somehow and the Cloak's whole purpose is to be either flashy or nondescript and either way, she'll need a piece to pull it all together and what's better than the Helm?"</p>
<p>"Maybe the Grips," one of the others says. "I mean, it's possible they could be the focal point, depending on what the design is supposed to signify."</p>
<p>Oh yeah. I'd told everyone that the whole design had a meaning and a purpose beyond just being an homage to Cayde.</p>
<p>I watched all the recordings just the other night after finishing the Grips. Apparently the design I was working off of was meant to evoke the idea of being a dark wild card. Someone who was willing to work between and behind the lines to get the job done. Someone who maybe employed methods the Vanguard wouldn't approve of, but who nevertheless protected people and did what needed to be done.</p>
<p>It was mean to symbolize the concept of Cunning.</p>
<p>She'd begun and half-finished almost all the other concepts.</p>
<p>Red Diamond to symbolize someone who was hardened under pressure and had seen a lot of violence but now turned that experience into something positive and beautiful. So, like. Inner Strength, compassion and other things that go along with that package.</p>
<p>Green Heart for the traits associated with Courage and Growth. For instance a person who seeks out new things in hopes it will improve them or their life.</p>
<p>And Blue Spade was just…for Cayde. It was going to be a faithful recreation of his armor but instead of in red and black- it would be black and a dark blue, with accents of brighter blue and white. To be reminiscent of his…skin…color? Paint job? I'm not sure what you'd call it.</p>
<p>Every other set was to be similar enough to be reminiscent but not a true recreation. Just sorta kinda 'if you squint' you know?</p>
<p>But that one was going to have a helmet with a horn on it and everything. She finished the design for it before she did any of the others.</p>
<p>It was important to her that Cayde see the armor set wasn't just about inspiring the hunters because it looked kinda cool and they looked up to him but that it exemplified everything a hunter is. And that <em>he</em> exemplified those traits, especially.</p>
<p>Apparently she was under the impression that despite his constant self-aggrandizement, Cayde was internally convinced everyone hated him and wanted him to die. Or something. It was…a really sobering journal entry to read about such a boisterous person.</p>
<p>"Well it's been pretty dark so far," Cayde says. "Dark purple accents on an all-black suit, only barely outlining the Clovers…probably something Night-stalky, if you ask me."</p>
<p>'<em>Nightstalker is that Hunter discipline that uses mostly stealth and bows, right?</em>' I wonder to myself. '<em>That's right. Nightstalker Black Clover, Red Diamond and Green Heart somewhere between Nightstalker and Arcstrider- and Blue Spade for Gunslinger.</em>'</p>
<p>Black Clover doesn't have many bright colors on it, it's meant to look dark. The purple is just so you can actually SEE the clovers all over the design. Whereas Red Diamond and Green Heart are slightly brighter but the colors are supposed to be filling in the shapes instead of going around the inside and outside of them. Not accents but full designs.</p>
<p>And Blue Spade is supposed to have a bright blue filling in the spades and a dark blue accenting them around the designs. Everything else is black except for the occasional white accent here and there where it'll really pop.</p>
<p>She colored the designs on the digital interface she used to create them and they were…beautiful.</p>
<p>But I'm beginning to wonder if maybe…I should adjust the design a little. She was being coquettish before, trying to very slowly indoctrinate him to the idea of him being beloved and good at what he does to the point that he's also admirable.</p>
<p>Looking at the way he's regaling them with stories about his hunter days and how attentively he asks for stories in return though…maybe he needs to be whacked in the head, instead.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I don't know how this happened.</p>
<p>"Right- so I can't come back until our newest kinderguardian knows the ropes. She's a hunter, my responsibility and all," Cayde says into the comm device on his ship.</p>
<p>I am <em>on</em>. Cayde's <em>ship</em>.</p>
<p>For some reason this little frisson is going up my spine every time I look at him, think about where I am or hear his voice or…anything.</p>
<p>I want to call it 'fangirling' but I have no idea where that word comes from. Or really what it means beyond the fact that some part of me still remembers 'loving' him and this means the world to it.</p>
<p>"<em>Cayde, you know Zavala isn't going to buy this 'responsible' act. Not for a minute,</em>" says the voice of a woman over the comm system. It's a beautiful and resonating voice.</p>
<p>"Act?" Cayde says, pretending at affront, turning his seat around to show me his comically wide eyes- eye bulbs? And has a hand clutching dramatically at his chest. "She thinks I'm acting! And here I was just trying to take up more of that 'responsibility' that Zavala's always talkin' about. But if you want me back, all you gotta do is tell this sweet, innocent new guardian that her mentor won't be giving her a crash course today."</p>
<p>One of my eyebrows cocks at him and he makes a gesture like I should just go with it.</p>
<p>I feel the first real pang of amusement and endearment and it shocks me into going pale and looking away from him. It wasn't some phantom emotion that the past me was dredging up from some dark corner of my psyche.</p>
<p>It was just me.</p>
<p>His ghost flutters over to me and I remember with sudden clarity that her name is <em>Sundance</em>. Not just from reading the journal, but I <em>feel</em> it, in my bones.</p>
<p>My eyelashes flutter and I look up at the ghost from underneath them in a way that probably looks shy but is actually me freaking internally <em>so hard</em> that I honestly can't move my head to crane it up.</p>
<p>"<em>Cayde,</em>" the voice comes out of the ghost- emanating from the ghostly image of a bald woman with dark brown skin being projected by it. "<em>I know I can't stop you. But I'm also not gonna help you when Zavala gets upset about it.</em>"</p>
<p>The floating head disappears along with her voice and I relax back into the bulkhead behind me.</p>
<p>"Don't look so worried!" Cayde says. "I know what I'm doin'. Probably. Most likely. Kinda. Look, I just needed to get out of the Tower, okay?"</p>
<p>"I don't know how to ride a Sparrow that well yet," I say.</p>
<p>He blinks at the abrupt subject change but then he sits straight up and points at me with a snap. "That's the idea! I'm here to teach you all you need to know."</p>
<p>I guess he caught on to that, then. Thank god, I hate having to explain the way my mind turns…</p>
<p>Or do I…? I don't remember minding that or it ever happening but it feels like an old irritation, under my skin.</p>
<p>"So, where do we take you to learn to ride your Sparrow?" he says while spinning back around to his piloting interface.</p>
<p>I sit in silence for a moment, Tempest within me still freaking out very loudly in my mental ear.</p>
<p>"<em>I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA-</em>"</p>
<p>I block them out and shrug. "I don't know anywhere to tell you."</p>
<p>Knowing the names of places and the descriptions of the events that happen there, is not the same thing as knowing the terrain.</p>
<p>"Right right, newbie," he says and types something in before turning back around and leaning on his thighs with his forearms. Staring right at me.</p>
<p>I stare back, feeling increasingly odd as the seconds drag on.</p>
<p>"Have we met before?" he asks. "Dunno why but you're super familiar…to me…"</p>
<p>"I wouldn't remember if we had," I reply.</p>
<p>"Hah," he huffs and sits back in his seat, striking a probably unintentionally cool pose. "I guess that's right."</p>
<p>'<em>Not unintentional, he probably practiced that,</em>' some part of me whispers gleefully and giggles.</p>
<p>I don't know who that is but I don't think I've <em>ever</em> giggled like that.</p>
<p>"Can I ask you questions?" I finally venture.</p>
<p>"Absolutely," he says, attention still centered on me. "Today is all about you."</p>
<p>I roll my eyes. "It's really all about <em>you</em> but sure we'll pretend."</p>
<p>"I appreciate it," he says in a sagely tone and nods his head. "Now what're the questions?"</p>
<p>"Why are we Guardians?" I ask. "It seems like there's lots of other places we could go besides the city to help people. And what I know of the old world…there wasn't just one ruling group, there were many and they didn't come to a consensus on things they just kinda did their own things and only came together if they absolutely needed to."</p>
<p>"You wanna know why the City, why the factions and the ruling council of Vanguards?" he asks.</p>
<p>I nod.</p>
<p>"Wow, okay," he shifts his weight. "Not many people ask me questions about heavy topics like that. They tend to stick to you know, 'how to kill things better' and 'how to have fun', usually."</p>
<p>"Only cause you want them to," I say.</p>
<p>His head tilts. "You definitely <em>sound</em> like we've met before."</p>
<p>"I have the distinct impression I know or have known people like you a lot in the past," I reply.</p>
<p>I do have this feeling of familiarity. But I know my past self never went anywhere near him. She was too afraid of being caught.</p>
<p>"Alright, well the first thing I have to tell you about is the Iron Lords…"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I can't believe nobody recognized you!" Tempest is still scolding me.</p>
<p>It's been a whole day since we got home but they were freakin' <em>out</em> when Cayde decided to kidnap us.</p>
<p>Still makes me smile a little to think about it. It was just an afternoon of sparrow practice and a Q&amp;A session, it's not like we did anything involved or particularly personal but…</p>
<p>I felt connected to him. Like we understood each other without even having to know anything about the other person. I don't think I've ever felt like that before.</p>
<p>I have no weird familiarity with the feeling, anyway.</p>
<p>"My voice and appearance are both changed for those broadcasts," I remind them. "Plus I take extra care and color my skin differently with make-up."</p>
<p>"Still, you were <em>this close</em> to Cayde-6 figuring it out. He's a clever man, you know! He probably already has <em>some</em> idea!" they wail as they float in circles.</p>
<p>I have learned that Tempest is a little dramatic.</p>
<p>"I'm sure he doesn't know anything, so relax." Sketching in my workshop is a relaxing thing for me. And I need relaxing after an entire afternoon spent with a guy who made my heart leap out of my chest every time he looked at me.</p>
<p>AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM. God.</p>
<p>What is it about that guy? It seems like I'm not the only one, from my past writings in the journal. He's beloved by the whole tower and everyone outside it whom he's ever met. Except maybe the Awoken in the Reef…Dreaming City…whatever the hell that is- who he's not had occasion to meet or at least, not often?</p>
<p>Not sure about that.</p>
<p>Even there, he has friends…</p>
<p>"Intruder alert!" Tempest wails. "Someone's gone across the first barriers of- SECOND BARRIERS CROSSED!"</p>
<p>"Tempest, calm down," I say and sigh, dropping my pencil and getting up. "Can you even tell if it's an enemy or not?"</p>
<p>"Moving fast toward our location!" Tempest warns me tightly.</p>
<p>I sigh again and put on my armor. Grabbing the weapons I feel most comfortable with that don't resemble the set I have set aside for my 'other self'.</p>
<p>A sidearm and an assault rifle along with a staff that I'll use for melee attacks.</p>
<p>I decided a long time ago, that my 'other self' was a Nightstalker. But I think 'this me' is best suited to be an Arcstrider.</p>
<p>My past self didn't see a need for another me. They just wanted to hide from everyone and the Queen of Spades was a persona that allowed her to do that.</p>
<p>But…I want to know people here. I want to go out and do things. I don't know why it's so important to me, but I feel like I need it.</p>
<p>Walking outside my workshop, I hit the button to close it up.</p>
<p>If they passed over both first and second sensor nets- and so quickly, that means they're on a vehicle. The nets are placed close together specifically so I'll know that.</p>
<p>"Passing through sensor net three, now!" Tempest comes rushing out without their special ghost shell. This one is specially made to be extra helpful in the area I've set up camp.</p>
<p>I say 'camp' but it's like a rich person summer cabin that was subjected to wear and tear over the years. Repairing all the systems was a pain but I've got running water and a water heater and that's really all you need to be comfortable aside from a hot meal which I can fix with my wood stove.</p>
<p>I've even got a fireplace in the living room in case it gets too cold.</p>
<p>The poolhouse out back or boathouse or whatever was converted into my workshop. I used all the pool noodles to line my storage bins.</p>
<p>"Alright, who are they?" I ask Tempest. "You should be able to sense them now."</p>
<p>They twitter around me, blue-black starfish shaped shell twisting and twirling as they work. "Uh…an Exo. A Guardian. OH NO. It's CAYDE-6."</p>
<p>Now <em>that</em> alarms me.</p>
<p>I was expecting something more like 'random traveler on the road' or even 'incoming fallen attack' or something. Not 'Vanguard on the premises'.</p>
<p>Rushing back to the poolhouse, I shut and lock it- he can't see what I've got back here. I don't know why, but protecting my identity from the Vanguard is important.</p>
<p>For some reason the other me perceived there could be a threat to me if anyone found out I was the Queen of Spades. I think it has to do with the fact that she wanted to remain independent and not be affiliated with the Guardians.</p>
<p>I guess that's kinda halfway out the window now?</p>
<p>Tempest disappears inside of me and I wait in tense silence as I see Cayde's sparrow come into view over the hill nearby. It leads down to the village there.</p>
<p>He slows down as he gets closer and drifts sideways to a stop right next to me.</p>
<p>He hits a button and the faceplate he was wearing retracts. Then he removes whatever the visor-thing is before addressing me. "Hey there! Just eh…wondering where you went."</p>
<p>"Did you <em>follow</em> me?" I ask with an irate tone. I don't like being treated like some kind of criminal when all I did was go to the Tower for a bit and then leave.</p>
<p>Sure my behavior might've been strange, but lots of the Guardians around didn't seem what my memories categorize as 'normal'.</p>
<p>"I <em>looked</em> for you, big difference," he says. Then gets up off the Sparrow. "What, not happy to see me? And here I thought we'd bonded." His expressions and hand gestures are so <em>animated</em>. So human.</p>
<p>"What do you want?" I ask.</p>
<p>"Why aren't you livin' in the tower?" he asks. "That's all I came to ask."</p>
<p>"Because the Tower's out of touch," I reply easily. "I like being closer to the people I save so I can monitor their situation. And I don't want to get Guardian-brain where I think of myself as separate from other people."</p>
<p>He blinks and stares at me for a second. "Guardian-brain?" it's said in a slightly lower register than his usual voice and for some reason it makes me kind of shiver?</p>
<p>"You see yourselves as separate entities," I reply. "But really you're not. You're Humans, Awoken and Exos, just like all the people out here." I spread my arms wide to indicate that I'm talking about the rest of the world. "Thinking yourself apart is the first step to thinking you're <em>better</em>. I don't like the thought of that."</p>
<p>He hums and crosses his arms. "Not the <em>worst</em> reason I've ever heard, but we mostly consolidate so nobody can recreate what happened in the past when it was a free-for-all. We mentor new guardians so that bad influences can't convince them to use their powers for evil, that kinda thing."</p>
<p>"Yeah, there's still no reason why you couldn't have hubs all over," I respond, crossing my own arms. "Break up the amount of Guardians in any one area- hell, that'd take care of any personnel shortages, right there if you put people somewhere for a certain amount of time and like, rotate them around."</p>
<p>He shrugs. "Hunters don't like being tied down anywhere."</p>
<p>"I just described the exact opposite of that," I reply in a deadpan. "Whatever, come in if you're gonna be argumentative."</p>
<p>"Don't mind if I do!" he says and bounces into my house.</p>
<p>Literally bounces. What the hell.</p>
<p>"<em>Raven!</em>" Tempest hisses in my ear as they dissolve into me. "<em>What are you doing!?</em>"</p>
<p>But I just follow Cayde inside the house.</p>
<p>There are only a few things from the workshop in here…and I have an idea about how to maintain both my identities.</p>
<p>"Truthfully, my teacher doesn't want to join the Vanguard…" I say and walk over to pick up a prototype copy of the Ace of Spades as a Sidearm called 'Shovel Talk'. "And I agree with her reasoning."</p>
<p>"Teacher?" he leans on the island and eyeballs the gun. "What's that?"</p>
<p>"One of her new designs," I reply. "To go with the Card Suit armors."</p>
<p>That's when he seems to connect the dots and his head shoots up so he can stare at me with those bright blue optics. "<em>The Queen of Spades</em> <em>is your</em> <em>teacher!?</em>" he asks.</p>
<p>I bow my head once in acknowledgment. "You won't find her by following me around or anything though. So tell Zavala that's a useless tactic. I like my privacy."</p>
<p>His jaw is hanging open now.</p>
<p>"She wanted me to stay away from the Tower," I explain. "But I wanted to see what she talked about all the time. So…I went. To get a look at things."</p>
<p>"I…hope you're not in trouble for that," he says and crosses his arms over the countertop. "Why didn't she want you to come?"</p>
<p>"I think she knew it would piss me off to see all those guardians in one place," I reply.</p>
<p>Thinking back on the Journal, I don't think I'm that far off the mark. My other self didn't want to see that she was right. She wanted to go on distantly adoring Cayde and everyone he loved.</p>
<p>Even though I also feel…something, toward them…it's not the same. I have the actual distance to confront things.</p>
<p>"I'm going to tell her I want to work with the Vanguard, though," I say slowly. "You have a lot of intel from scouts that I couldn't get my hands on otherwise. I can pick jobs surrounding me in this area and become a kind of…embedded agent. Hopefully other people get the same idea and start doing similar. If we're all part of the Vanguards' forces, then they'll feel less threatened by us being out here, doing our own thing."</p>
<p>He sighs and shrugs, "well. You're really supposed to live in the tower, but…I can just get a room for you and then tell everyone you're thinking about it. It'd be a good excuse for me to leave the tower…"</p>
<p>"So as long as I hold out, you get to escape?" I say. Quirking an eyebrow. "Seems to me like it benefits you more NOT to convince me to live there."</p>
<p>"Pffft," he gestures widely with his hands. "Excuse me? I am a man of <em>principle</em>."</p>
<p>Then he leans in close over the counter and says, "move into the tower."</p>
<p>"No," I bat back at him with no vehemence. The same way he said it. Leaning over the counter to meet him in the middle until we're about an inch away from each other.</p>
<p>We stare at each other for a moment before he pops up and away from me. "Well, I tried! Got some loot to go find so I'll be leaving you for the day." He spreads his hands open as he talks.</p>
<p>Then he turns back toward me snappily at the door, one hand beside his mouth like he's trying to speak in an aside. "But if anyone asks, I was here till sundown."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please remember to comment as it helps to motivate me!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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